I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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