Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize