the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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