So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
