Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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