I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
