But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
