whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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