I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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