one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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