Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
