Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
