This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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