Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
