Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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