Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
