his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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