All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
