dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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