I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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