this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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