he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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