Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
