yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
