If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize