i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
