you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize