He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
