It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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