I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
