but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
