If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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