Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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