he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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