i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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