Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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