I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
