The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
