member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
