I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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