i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
