were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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