so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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