your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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