I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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