If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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