Only a mothe r could love this liver
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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