No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
