That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
