Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
