i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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