Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
where am i from again
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
