I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
