It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
