I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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