Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
