Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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