I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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