I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
