I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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