I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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