Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
