im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
