Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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