Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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