I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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