just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
