What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
