I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
